The game has got a hold on me

Oh how much I hate mornings, I am slow at getting up in the mornings, just slow. The last thing I need is when I’m comfortable in my bed is a phone call, just a word to the wise if you are thinking about calling me in the morning you better have a good reason for doing so and expect me not to say much because I. Am. Annoyed.

After getting ready to go I was off to play football for my team, as per usual I hadn’t a clue who we were playing because I just turn up, get told where I’m playing and play. I don’t ask questions because I don’t care. It is kind of a shame for me really because I enjoyed playing football in the past and I’d just play it for fun (ok, football was also serious business in the past as well but…yeah) and love of being the best with a ball at my feet.

But I guess the cost of it all got a bit much, or the fact that I don’t play with winners because to be honest, deep down I knew that I wouldn’t win things in particular teams and yet I stayed and played anyway. Why didn’t I look to a better team if I wanted to improve myself? Why didn’t I go to a team that were used to winning trophies and medals and force my way into the team? I’m certainly good enough to do just that, I always feel I can raise my game at any time I so wished.

Yet what exactly is there to be achieved from it? You have to pay to play in matches which quite frankly is a system that hurts the better players, we’d end up having to pay more because we’d naturally would always be in the first XI so while I’m crippling myself financially all for the sake playing a sport which bores me a lot now and there is no reward at the end. Sure there are promotions and trophies but that by itself is not worth it for me, so I’m done with it all.

Anyway today we’d be facing AFC Bromley and quite frankly it was a match that we could have won if we just kept it simple however it seems that as a team some of the basics are just forgotten and it frustrates me more than it really should which is another reason why I’m done with it all. Also I feel that I’m not needed there and if I feel that is the case then there really isn’t any reason for me to hang around playing in a game where I’m not needed.

I’m too tired to keep ranting on about this especially as there’s a few more games until the season is over then I can finally turn my back on football. I sometimes think…maybe one more season and that might be the game not letting me go but then I quickly remember that I have to stop, I’m not going anywhere with this and think of that eventual day when I can hang up my football boots and start fulfilling my other potential.