My Sunshine

Strange isn’t it?

What’s strange? I don’t know but it seemed like something you’d start one of these things with, I wasn’t actually what was strange. I could have said it was strange the instances that we met it how it was strange how were alike or whatever but I didn’t. In fact I’m not even sure what I’m even trying to achieve with this post and all but I just finished one earlier and just decided on a whim to do this.

Right now at the time at this time it is…err…let’s just call this, very late and you are asleep having gone to sleep annoyed at me. Maybe you calmed down a bit just before going to sleep but I cannot tell due to the fact that I cannot see body language and tone of voice in text but what can you do?

You didn’t want to hear what I think and I’m sorry so I guess it’s just given me something to mull over and to write down on here especially considering that I haven’t really wrote much in my blog recently (always seems to pick up around the end of the month and the start of the next but then go missing in action during the middle).

I don’t know about things but I like to speculate and imagine stuff. I have no idea where I’m going with this seeing as I’m tired and I’m probably going to sleep very soon so I’m going to just get down as much as I can and I keep forgetting the purpose of these blogs and that was to talk to myself about things but right now I feel I have been talking to you. I’m going to stop that right after the end of this paragraph as if I wanted to talk to you like this I would have done it in a text or on Facebook or something of some sort. Right now I need to talk to me about you.

“So, Emily huh”
“Yep indeed.”
”Remember that time and then after which you said that you’d do anything for her happiness, do you think you’ve done that? Do you think that you’ve made her happy whenever you could?”
“Maybe sometimes I have and sometimes I haven’t. I do try and achieve just that”
“ I know you do but personally I think it’s hard you know? She doesn’t get to see you very much and no doubt that fact is harder for her than it is for you”
“Yeah, something I’d do well to never forget”
“And it doesn’t really help that you have a natural tendency to absolve yourself from blame and you are a bit resistant to change in some ways…You tell yourself that your…"flaws" are just character traits, things that you naturally do and it’s because of that I think it’s harder at times.”

Didn’t you read about INTPs and how things that might be so blatantly obvious to you that it just feels redundant to say it at all. I’m glad you’ve improved that certain side of you as yes, it might seem so obvious that you love her and that yes, you do think she is beautiful despite her attempts to put herself down but like you were just thinking a moment before you typed this sentence, the way your brain works and the way that you view the world isn’t the same line of thinking as others and hence while it might feel…weird and redundant to say something sometimes others might not know what you’re thinking and sometimes even go as far to think the complete opposite (sometimes your actions contribute to this as well), tell her that you think she is gorgeous more often, let her know that you do care what she is doing at the moment, tell him that he’s an utter and quite frankly despicable bastard and you loathe their guts and believe them to be superficial…ok maybe not the last one so much but yeah it is obvious about these matters but sometimes it is only obvious to you and to be honest it can make you seem a bit…nope I don’t have the word but I’m sure something'll turn up sooner or later.

So anyway when you wake up tomor- today in about 7 hours time, just remember to stay calm and be patient, it’ll benefit you in the long run after all, who else would put up with your character and I’m not going to leave that as a rhetorical question and I’m going to answer it right now. The answer is no-one.