It is a bright sunny day and it is also my day off at work, I quite enjoy it when the sun is shining on a clear blue day despite the heat especially when using public transport as it can become unbearable but I don't complain about the weather ever as that is something that really cannot be helped, if it rains it rains, if it snows it snows. I'm grateful for the summer sun as I know that when it's winter and cold I'm not really in the greatest of moods and because of such I have a strong preference towards the summertime. So the sun is shining right now and I should be happy but deep down I don't think I am.
I suppose the reason why I like the summer is because I've got more positive memories associated with the summer than I do with the winter but it seems that even now those memories can't really cheer me up anymore because that's what they are, just memories.
Right now I find myself thinking dark thoughts and it annoys me. It annoys me how I really should just be happy with what I have as it could be worse however it does little to comfort me, I still think these thoughts, feel how I do and I ask myself why?
I look at all the different factors in my life whether it's work, family, friends, love, sports, hobbies and I think to myself "what's wrong with it?" I don't think that it's either wrong or right to think like this but only that it is my current frame of mind right now, on another day I would and I do think of all the good things that I have going for me but this is not one of those days.
I've been thinking and I don't know what brought this on but whether I have been honest with myself throughout my entire life, whether I've done the best I could have done, whether I can be satisfied with anything I've done in my life so far and what purpose do I have right now. Maybe I'll work out the answer someday but for now all I can really do is analyse every part of my life and try and figure out what to do about it.
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