Ahhhhh damn it, this will not do. Making myself down when lets face it, there's probably no reason to worry so much...I probably am thinking way too much into this.
But heh, who was it that said that they'd love to know what was going on in my head and I couldn't help but think that you really wouldn't, it's too...much. Too confusing, not simple at all. I've never particularly enjoyed the portrayal of mindreading in the media as it's portrayed as a simple "oh look I'm talking except my lips are not moving so it's clear I'm thinking this" when...I can only account for myself for this but what about memories? Or images or even...I don't even know how to describe it.
Anyway what is on my mind as of late? Still all about being envious and not particularly feeling great about myself...or maybe I feel that I don't get what I deserve for being me. People say I'm a nice and good person and that I'll get my dues when it comes but I don't think it works like that...maybe I'm just being too impatient and I want it too soon but I'm thinking that there's no such thing as karma and this perception of good and bad is merely subjective.
So yeah...I really ought to stop going on Facebook as while it's good and that, it can't be good that I get annoyed at certain people's status like some of my exes and how they "love" their partners and will forever and it annoys me as while I've mellowed out about it more nowadays I still cannot stand lies and false statements like that.
Maybe it's because I feel that I was just lied to in my face so how can they go and say the exact same lies to another person who will believe them, who will fall in the exact same trap as I fell in...who will let down their guard and bare themselves only to be betrayed and made a fool of. It...disgusts me.
What disgusts me even more is that I'm this bothered by it. Don't get me wrong, I do wish them happiness and all and I don't want bad things to happen to them but I can't help but feel this way nor will I apologise for my feelings as I should not be made to feel bad for something that I have little to no control over. Nobody has complete control over our emotions and feelings but the majority have control over our actions. We can all feel happiness, anger, pride, sadness and many more but it's how we act on these emotions that truly matter because I know that whenever I'm happy I'm especially more generous than usual or whenever a person is angry they might punch another.
Anyway I'm done with this entry for now but ugh, I don’t know, I…just don’t know
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