So my super long text and plea falls on deaf ears I guess. Never mind I suppose, I get the hint and I'll get over it. To be honest, sending that text really made me feel a heck of a lot better because well, I tried but oh well, que sera sera.
Or so I thought.
How to put into words how I’m feeling right now.
I don’t know, one minute I’m angry, the next I’m happy, the next I’m crazy.
I’ve screwed things up haven’t I…what, what were you thinking deleting her off Facebook, deleting her number off your phone?
I was trying to break off all contact with her and painful memories
Yes but you didn’t need to go so overboard and do all this did you?
No, but I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t just stop talking to her, I couldn’t leave her alone. It still didn’t help, I still have messages in my phone from her, all I’ll need to do is to hit ‘reply’ and I can…
Seriously? Come on man, snap out of it, this really isn’t you
Funny thing is, it actually sort of is. You know what, I almost slipped and snapped
Yeah I was thinking that, like what does it take for you to just lash out? I can see why you’re hurt though, you allowed yourself to love someone…sorry, biggest mistake ever. This is what you were fearful of. You knew. Things come to an end eventually but you’re just scared of dealing with that pain and anguish aren’t you?
Does that make me a coward?
No but all I can say to you is that you are not unique when it comes to this feeling, everyone has been there. Pull yourself together man, if it helps you to move on, allow the bad and negative thoughts to help you get over her.
You know what I’m like with dark thoughts
Yes but what else can we do? Lets face it, you aren’t exactly knocking down on her door begging and that.
No, we live too far apart
Exactly, remind me why you’re upset again? You barely see her at all. Seriously, you dodged a bullet here. I am you after all, I know what you’re like when you put your mind to it. Really, you could find anybody. Your charm is enough, you’re caring, you think things out logically (at times) and most important of all, you are devoted and loyal, you would stay with someone to the ends of the earth
Yeah, wasn’t good enough for her though was it.
Also come on man, you went out for a year and a bit and there’s nothing to fight for? Do you really want to be with someone like that? She bloody well insulted you with those pleas to be “friends”. I know you’re pissed off about it all but it’ll serve you better in the long run. She hates your guts even though she won’t admit it, you are awkward every. Single. Time. Why do you think she’ll want to be with you?
Give it time I guess, she’ll realise what she’s missing, until then I have to leave her alone. I think I’ll need a schedule and a plan. Yes, that’s what I need. Let me check my calendar…*Checks*…Call it August 19th.
Okay then August 19th it is, you’ll sort yourself out and move on and then you if by then you still feel something you can go into Plan B
Plan B? What’s that?
You’ll know at the time. Anyway, it’s time for some sleep now isn’t it? Trust me on this, tomorrow is going to be that perfect day for you and it wouldn’t have been possible if you were still with her. Trust me on this, get over her, you don’t want to be that ex do you?
Hahaha no, what happens if I feel down?
Write about it, put it up and then realise how stupid it was. Now sleep. Nobody deserves your love right now but nobody deserves your hate…ever
Yeah, okay I’m calling it now 0145 19th May, that was when I simply did not care about Emily Louise Lardner and quite frankly she does not exist in my world any more.
Goodnight
Goodnight
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