The final game

As I wake up in the morning, I think to myself "oh boy" it must be six a.m as it's cold, let me sleep another five minutes and I hit the snooze button...but that wouldn't last long so up I get, pack my bags and head out the door off to make myself another memory.

Walked to the station and felt very content and relaxed (due to the lack of cars and people) and while the journey wasn't bad, in fact I was worried it was going too well. Arrived at Ricksmanworth station and had time to get myself a breakfast at the station cafe and couldn't help think as I was eating how this was similar to the Thames Valley match against Doncaster when Mark Gill took me and some others for breakfast before the match and ahhh I remember I put in a gooood performance then, was even noticed by the Doncaster players themselves. Still lost the match though

Now I'm pretty much in the car with Mario and Jason and I can't help but smile at how blissfully unaware I am about certain things, like I only just found out that we were playing Fulham last Wednesday in training when Johnny mentioned it. Now I just found out that kick-off was at 11 o'clock and I'm thinking "that's a bit early, but meh it means it finishes earlier"

So now that I’m here at the stadium it’s time to see what will happen…though I strongly suspect what will happen…

AND BY JOVE, WAS I RIGHT

5-0, really? That was a pretty poor showing and honestly honestly honestly, sometimes I wondered why we bothered showing up today…as if my week couldn’t get any worse.

So what went wrong…well, nearly everything. There was a massive gulf in fitness levels and quality but we had zero chance of winning in the first place. The passing was subpar and tactical nuance was missing from our squad too, mistakes after mistakes after mistakes kept occurring and I felt we were too defensive and just inviting them to attack us every time but then again I’m not a manager so what do I know. Enough to know when things aren’t going right and when it’s time for a change.

Speaking of change, I was asked what I was going to do this summer and quite frankly I hate the fact that my motivation for football has dwindled and that constantly I asking myself what’s in it for me? What’s my motivation? Why aspire here? There’s not really an answer to that other than to stay fit (goodness knows I need that lately) and…umm…prove to…bleh, I have nothing to prove though, except maybe to myself but even so, what will be my physical reward after all this? A medal or a trophy perhaps? Those are meaningless to me at the end of the day, so what is going to take to get me to actually get up and get out and prove that I am the best? Hopefully I’ll know the answer soon