The scariest thing ever

Saw V, I watched it for the first time last night. I had seen Saw I and loved it what with all the twists and turns, though I couldn’t stop thinking about the pig’s head thing especially whenever I was in the dark (thinking too much will do that to you). Saw II was just as good and I enjoyed watching every second of the first two instalments. Saw III was……hmm…*thinks*…I struggle to remember what it was about even though it was played on Channel 4 the other day which by the way I still haven’t figured out why exactly they played the Simpsons movie one Sunday and then a week later decided to play the movie again but this time on a Saturday, ok it wouldn’t be so bad except it just bugged me that they kept calling it a ‘Network Premiere’ when it wasn’t, the lies, oh the lies. Where was I? Oh yes…Saw III, wasn’t exactly memorable for me but it was ok, I preferred the first two and the twist didn’t do much for me at least not to the same level as the first two did but nonetheless it was a decent watch.

So now I have Saw IV and V on their way in the post except Saw IV goes missing in the post (the bloody mail) and all I’m left with is a half open envelope with Saw V inside, I’ll be complaining to Lovefilm about their shoddy sealing of envelopes, because of that I had to watch it out of order and hope that they didn’t make too many references to Saw IV so I popped Saw V in my laptop and proceeded to watch…………………

…THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF CRAP EVER. It’s not that it was a bad film or anything but I found it boring and hardly scary or gripping (honestly I just want to see the traps and stuff, I did not care for the detective business and stuff). I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel for the characters (though that might just be my cynicism kicking in) and found them to be very stupid and to make stupid decisions. I can forgive mistakes made under stressful conditions because humans are very panicky creatures but what I can’t forgive is the sheer dumbness of some people. *Spoiler?* Seriously, Charles (I think his name was) and the other 4 people…you guys are dumb, you stand around talking about how Jigsaw operates and analysing the first videotape message, you’ve probably read about him and the methods he uses but noooo not one of you thinks that with 5 of you there you might have to work together?

“It’s survival of the fittest”

NO CHARLES, DOESN’T THE FUCKING TAPE TELL YOU TO GO AGAINST YOUR INSTINCTS, IN FACT HE IMPLORES YOU TO DO SO, so you don’t think that “gee this is the guy that put me here and he’s telling me to do something, I think I better listen to him”. Fucking idiot.

The first trap I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have assumed that all the keys would have worked on all the locks so ok maybe 99 times out 100 a person would have died then…wait, thinking about it now, why didn’t the first person who got ‘their’ key and freed themselves just get the other keys to release the other 4? Or why didn’t the last person who didn’t get to fre- you know what, whatever ok, I can’t be arsed with this.

Ok maybe I’m thinking waaay into things but in the second room Charles, Charlie boy, attacking someone like that in your current situation is a no-no, simply because I’ve noticed that humans are dumb creatures that placed into situations like the one Jigsaw places them in, need to trust others, it works out to your benefit if you can be trusted at that point in time because it might pay off later, you might not get stabbed in the neck by some dumb bitch. And another thing, the spaces were big enough for two people which by then I figured that the people weren’t meant to die in this game but whatever, Charles should have figured that out when the first person went in, maybe he might have if they didn’t do something completely idiotic and kept bothering me throughout the film. Why did they keep closing the door? It wasn’t as if they were in a hurry like Saw II, there’s no saran gas being pumped around so they will be fine, the only hurry is by the rusty nail bombs but even then leaving the door slightly ajar will benefit them as protection from the rusty nails and time. Time for them to sit down and discuss the situation they’re in. Time to discuss how they are going to beat Jigsaw’s game. Time to discuss what links them and whatnot. But what do they do? Constantly shut the door which activates the next game and means they have little time to think. I can’t be bothered to go into the whole detective part of the story simply because I don’t care and it will lead to more moaning (or is it groaning Emily?) and it’s 1:07am and I want to sleep.

I’m just going to hand wave it and say “If they did what I just said then it wouldn’t make an interesting movie” but whatever. *End spoilers*

Even the blood and gore wasn’t disturbing to me but instead I just laughed at their predicament and stupidity and felt no sympathy for them it was filled with narmtastic moments that I really couldn’t wait to finish this film.
So what was the scariest thing ever? What happened after I finished watching and closed the program for watching it when screen went blank and crashed. Not only that it had closed down of it’s own accord. When I turned it on it kept turning back off, all I could think was “Oh shit, I’ve lost my work, my personal statements, my porn videos programs, everything” as anyone would do if they had everything on their laptop, but that thought passed quickly and I remembered how much I don’t actually care about these things and stayed calm and fixed it myself.

So that was the scariest to happen today. Great. Anyways, I’m out, I have a personal statement to finish.