Positive and negative

So a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and asks how much it is and the barman replies "For you, no charge"

(BOOOOOO, GERROFFF THE STAGE!!!)

I got a call today and what was that for? Well it's for Yoomoo and an interview after they read my CV and come Monday I'll see what my job situation will be like then so I'm hoping for the best and I will go all out and really try to get this thing...which brings me to the thing I was thinking about in the first place. Me.

Yes yes I know I know, I think about myself a lot and yes I am incredibly self centred and all that but in a way I think that it's a good thing in some ways because, it's because I think about myself so much that my biggest critic is me and only me, you would not believe the amount of criticism I hurl at myself, I am very rarely satisfied with my own performance whatever it is and always believe I could have done things better and more efficiently and what not.

I also genuinely believe in myself and my abilities, I strongly believe that my limit is non existent and that I can do anything given motivation, time and a lot of other factors. I feel this way constantly, when I do tests and exams, no matter if I go out all out and try hard, I always manage to convince myself that no I didn't, I can do better, that I should have revised more or whatever because I can do it, I never see a reason why I can't do it...ever. This trait is also apparent whenever I play football too as at the end of every match (pre injury), I would feel disappointed whenever I did not get man of the match, because it felt to me that people were just over looking my contribution to the game and my influence but at the same time I believe that yes I did do good but I could've done more.

I suppose that means that when I did get it I would be happy right? Wrong, whenever I got it I would feel that I could do massively better and that I'm being awarded it on some basis that I really did not want to be judged for, like I didn't get man of the match for the "right" reasons.

So that's me yeah, do I feel that people do not understand me? Well duh of course, I think of myself as being very simple and complex at the same time. I apologise if that last sentence came across as being whiny and that (no I don't but whatever), but I say this because as I was thinking about myself today, mainly my attitude I don't know, but it seems to me that people just consider me a negative person but I digress, I think of myself as a realistic, oft mistaken for in these times and that if anything, I'm more positive than negative, no the sky is not collapsing and no there aren't pigs flying but it's true I think. I don't think that I intentionally make comments of the negative variety it's just that negativity and realism is such a fine line that it's easy to mistake one for the other, in times of hardship I will try and focus on the positive, I'd think and tell of an example but right now I believe that my time on this is up so in the words of a Liverpudlian presenter, ta-ra for now.

The Samba Magician is back

Ahhh, a return to the big time....okay maybe not but this is the next best thing right? Right? Okay maybe not but whatever, I'm back baby and I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble-gum......and I'm all out of gum. *checks pockets* No, wait wait, I've got some, I've got some. So my first match is up against Farnborough or some sort, like I say to everyone, I never actually care about the team we face, I just turn up, do my business and that's pretty much it, opposition just does not interest me.

Rightio, time to play methinks...

Aaaaand, now I'm done and feels good being back playing football and just as I expected fitness was a bit of an issue but it was all good. We won 3-2 after being 2-0 down but you didn't come here to read about how the team did, you came here to read about me right...or, maybe not, fine in my opinion the team didn't do so well in the first half especially as the PASSION and GRIT™ just was not there but more importantly to a player of my type, the skill or lack of it was missing, passing and just keeping possession of the ball, it reminded of why exactly I think watching football especially as a substitute is boring and dull....not to mention I'm freezing my nutsacks as well standing on the side-lines. Before long we were down 2-0 and as per usual I'm having dreams of dragging the team back to a stupendous victory.

The second half however perked up mainly because I was linesman for a bit and got a run out in the last 10 minutes but by that time we already had came back by 3 goals so there was not much for me to do but run about and do some passing (which I did well I believe) and take a shot but the less said about that the better.

My aim is to get fit and reclaim the metaphorical throne, why? Because I'm Jason Mycroft and you should accept no substitutes. No seriously, I just want to be able to play with no fear and be good at what I do, so I've made this step and now the only way to go is up. Up indeed.

We Are Lasers

Lupe Fiasco has always been one of my favourite artists in music, his storytelling, wordplay and metaphoric rhymes have always been one to make me actually listen and pay attention to his songs so of course I was going to be pretty hyped for Lasers (Love Always Shines Everywhere, Remember 2 Smile)...whenever it was going to come out.

On first impressions, I was always going to be disappointed with the album as it had release date problems and label issues meant I was worried about how exactly this would turn out. I heard Shining Down and liked it but it was obvious that it was a song for radio and all that, I also heard I'm Beaming which I also liked but again, was a song for the radio but it was all good, but I was still waiting for the album.

Then I got wind of the track list and such is the recent trend that's been going round, it was 12 tracks.

No. No. And no. Getting hyped up for this album for 12 tracks, I was somewhat disappointed as I don't know, I was expecting a 15+ album but what can you do. Upon further inspection of the track listing you had to note the complete lack I'm Beaming and Shining Down (later added as bonus tracks) and no Matthew Santos or Gemstones. This was going to be different, wait what. Trey Songz is one of the guests? Oh...kay, that's worrying. Sway is on it? Interesting, I was curious to hear how that goes as I want to hear how Sway's style would fit into it. This will be an interesting album.

Then Words I Never Said and All Black Everything came out and I had sort of learned from the My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy saga not to listen to it as it will spoil my listening of the album and there weren't many tracks on the album so I wanted to enjoy it as a whole. Anyway, after finally listening to the album, I felt slightly...meh, nothing special here, my most liked tracks being the bonus tracks, 'Words I Never Said', 'Never Forget You' and 'All Black Everything' and the others were okay, not brill but okay with lots of people slating 'I Don't Wanna Care Right Now' and the use of auto tune. I conceded that this wasn't a patch on Food & Liquor and The Cool but I think that was expected but was the album going to be consigned to the graveyard on my iPod along with others or would it be getting constant plays at various times?

It's not horrendous, no, not at all, in fact it's starting to grow on me, even that Trey Songz song 'Outta My Head' and that I do like some of the tracks but then when I give recent tracks like SLR (TEN FO'!), Fire, We Can Do It Now and Go To Sleep, I just think, it could have been better and that.

Here's hoping his next few albums are amazing again, right now I'm going to listen to it all again.

Return to football

So I'm making my return to football training after around a year out and I'm pretty nervous but hopefully I'll come through it unscathed and all. Also pretty excited because if I do get through it, I'll be glad to be back playing football again.

A little while later...

Well I'm still here, no ill effects, not from sprinting, not from kicking, nor from twisting and turning however this was all done without a support band for my knee which I don't think I shall do ever again. I also think that maybe it was due to my fitness...or lack of it really that I didn't really try too hard or anything, which means I didn't really push myself to the limits which I'm hoping to do so over time as being fit is better than not being it (duuhhh, what next, the sky is blue?). So right now as I sit on the train the back of my knee feels a bit sore but that's merely just because it hasn't been used vigorously and the muscles will need to put in their fair shift now I have less cartilage than before. What I do hope is that my knee and my performance goes back to what it was before it all happened so then I can update this here blog with exploits of my matches and all that.

To be honest I could just shy away and not put in much effort and just be a background player but fuck that, I'm going all out for this, it'll benefit me in the long run.

Not so final

Okay okay, I'm back, finally completed Final Fantasy XIII 100% and gotten all achievements, it wasn't that hard, the only one that took a while was really the treasure hunting achievement which required me to have,all weapons and accessories at some point in the game cue the time consuming act of upgrading weapons and items that I hadn't yet upgraded. Even had to do it twice because the first time I had actually ran out of money and truthfully was a bit wasteful with the points.
So now that is done I don't really need to play it again for a long long while, only for the story which...wasn't that epic but still, challenges or speedruns which I don't feel like doing with this game.
 
The next game I'll be tackling on the Xbox whenever I feel like it will be Dante's Inferno, an adventure based on the Divine Comedy. Despite whether this game was good or not and the fact that it's a hack and slash sort of adventure, I was always going to play this as I'm a sucker for historical and mythology based games...well, in certain time periods. As I think more about it and my history lesson in schools I guess I felt a bit mislead in what era of history we'd be studying but learning about the French Revolution was really just...well, boring, not enough sense of adventure for me, just learning about laws and similar political things. Ancient history just fascinates me and if I'm playing a game or watching a film or reading a book and having fun at the same time then that's all good I can learn something and even read up more about it and it's all good.
 
Of course I did get a lot of others to go with it and all for cheap, such is the benefit of being behind gaming wise, you don't have to spend absurd prices for new games, so I got myself Dante's Inferno, Bayonetta (another hack and slash but since it's gotten rave reviews I figured I may as well try it, plus it was cheap), Mirror's Edge (yes I am sooo late to this party but at 4 pounds I figured I can't lose), Assassin's Creed (something I've been meaning to try), The Orange Box (I guess I'll see for myself why the cake is a lie) and finally Zak and Wiki.
 
Now, Zak and Wiki is the only Wii game I got (not counting Madworld seeing as I got that afterwards and ordered that online) and I have a problem with that, why? Because the Wii I know has far better games than Family Party Games or the Ninjabread Man (seriously?), most of these are core Nintendo titles and there are others that I wish to try, I'm not a huge fun of Metroid like I am of other titles but they are still games I wish to try out regardless but the problem being, you cannot find them anywhere in shops oohh noo, probably understandably because they isn't a great variety and thus those are more likely to be gone but even so, Super Mario Galaxy for 30 pounds? No. I don't think so, yes yes, it's an amazing game that won lots of awards but no, I refuse to pay more than 20 pounds for a game that came out when the Wii was launched and has already gotten a sequel thus should really be diminishing the price because of that.

Epic Mickey, Kirby's Epic Yarn and Sonic Colors (American spelling urgh but unavoidable) are a little too recent to be a cheap prices so I'll wait it out despite my doubts it'll ever get cheaper than a tenner but I'll wait it out regardless, BUT WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD CHEAP GAMES? This is just why I was disappointed with the Wii after buying it simply so I'd be able to play Brawl I was hoping that by the time I tired of it there'd be a good amount of other good games for me to try and quite frankly the choice for me isn't that huge.
 

It’s time for CHANGE?

So yeah I’m back and the operation went…well? Probably, nobody told me if it did or maybe they did but I was just so out of it that I might have forgot. So while being under the effects of anaesthetic was an interesting one and made me wonder about being knocked out and all and how that’s just amazing, this whole knee deal with the swollenness and the pain is a bit of a bummer but hey at least I’ll actually be able to fully straighten my leg after this which thinking about it is actually quite exciting as I haven’t been able to do that in three years.

My recovery is going okay I guess, I haven’t really been about to do the physiotherapy exercises on account of the pain and it just not physically being possible to actually lift it for any of the exercises but since it’s getting better I should be able to do some of them now and all, hoping to be able to walk if not shuffle about within the next few days but I still have to take it easy though. But I’m actually quite excited and positive about what I’ll be able to do and all now.

See, you could die due to anything really everyday but when you’re doing risky stuff you think about it more

This was actually scheduled to go up on the 14th but since the date has been brought forward this post will be brought forward too

So this is it, the day before I go inside. I know it’s not even a life threatening procedure but I just can’t help thinking “what if?” or “Will I be here tomorrow?” and similar questions. The plan is to wake up tomorrow with a hole in my knee, small price to pay though but you know I think what if I died? I know if I died I shouldn’t…worry? Care? Well…I can’t anyway seeing as I won’t be aware of myself to experience that or whatever…basically I got to thinking what would people make of me? You’re always thinking that you know someone when the curveball that has “death” labelled on it comes your way. The question is, do you preserve your memory of them with what you know or do you dig deeper into the murky territory and potentially unravel some things that you might possibly wish you never knew?

Of course humans being humans, they’ll never really listen to advice and always want to experience things for themselves, to see if that cat is really alive or dead and then lament and rue the fact that there wasn’t enough warning. That nobody really tried to stop them…but heh, the more you try to keep things a secret, the more people want to know about it. It’s just human nature. That very nature that we end up regretting at some crucial point in our lives.

So either this is my last post or I’ll cross this bridge unhindered and see you on the other side, only time will tell.