Okay, seeing as it's summer, this month will probably be a write off and that I'll hardly update it this month for reasons like I can't be arsed to do it, but I did think of something while I was lying in the dark, listening to Bass Head Jazz by Cee-Lo Green (writing this on my phone too) and that was why I didn't really update things as often and I believe it's because right now in my world I'm kind of happy...well I say kind of but I'd say I'm feeling happy and when I'm happy I don't think about things as much and that I just drift and float along with things.
But right now I have a chance to reflect on things. I was talking about my knee with Emily earlier today and I mentioned how I might have not been so worried about it and that it was a relief for me to actually be injured and in some ways that is true as I used to believe and even felt like I could do anything with my body and just push it through barriers if you will because the way my body operated. I have never broken a bone, my metabolism has been satisfactory and apart from food poisoning which I recovered from very quickly I have never really suffered from a major illness so I've never really had to be careful with these things. But when I got the call from my physiotherapist about my recent MRI scan confirming that I had a large tear in my meniscus it...well, just gave me mixed emotions as finally I could get a decent rest and all but at the same time I'm worried that I'll never be back to the person I was before it started in the first place.
I did think it was slightly amusing though that for me personally I didn't really perform to the best of my ability and that I was playing with one metaphorical hand behind my back and I still managed to play at a decent level, so I'm comforted by the fact that if it ever does get sorted out then I could potentially go back to being just unstoppable and comfortable with my movement rather than fearing that moving in a certain way will cause my knee to lock or whatever as it wasn't a comfortable feeling. I reflected also on the fact that it has been 2 years and a bit since the first incident happened and I couldn't help worrying if I made it worse and that I should have sorted it out earlier but the more I think about it, the more I think that nothing really could be done about it despite people's insistence that I do something about it as the GP cannot feel what I feel despite being useless and not referring me to an actual physiotherapist until I kept complaining. Okay maybe I'm being a bit harsh but it really did annoy me when I tried to explain that it cannot be fobbed with painkillers and a elastic knee protector when playing football because it would occur at anytime, heck, the last time it happened was because I was sitting down on a bench. Another time was when I was laying down on my stomach and was getting up to stand up and another time was when my leg was bent for too long. What was I supposed to do? Wear it for the rest of my life? Gah!
Anyway, I suppose I should think of some positive stuff at the moment and that is that I shall be visiting my soulmate's house for around week tomorrow, but I have today to get through and that will be spent doing things so the good thing is that there won't be the usual 'long and protracted' night before the event as I'll be doing things so hopefully by the end of the day I'll actually be too tired to stay awake and will actually sleep at a reasonable time but this always happens at times like this. I really should head off to sleep right about now as I have to get up to go and look after Jaden so I should set an alarm but I think I'm going to just see what happens and rely on my body clock waking me up at a decent time. In the meantime I hope I have another one of my crazy dreams, last night I dreamt I was playing a football match against the current Brazilian team in Hargrave Park inside the building this time and afterwards we had a massive BBQ (also in the building) where lots of different types of meat were available for the eating (a vegetarian's nightmare) and I was busy trying to find 'good' pieces of sausages, burgers, bacon etc to put onto my bun (Emily, you should think of when you choose which pieces of chips to eat) and I could find very few, after acquiring some meat for my buns I poured ketchup and just as I was about to insert all that fat into my body, I wake up...never get to eat food in my dreams. Ah well.
Songs I listened to while writing this post.
Bass Head Jazz- Cee-Lo
Dancing In The Dark- Solange
I'd Wait For Life- Take That
Robocop- Kanye West
Cry Me A River- Justin Timberlake
Love Somebody- Ace Hood ft Jeremih
So Far To Go- Common ft D'Angelo
Cosmic Journey- Solange ft Bilal
Busted- Isley Brothers ft R Kelly, JS
Why Does She Stay- Ne-Yo
Trouble- Coldplay
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