While I'm sane: Diary of Me

Monday, 6 February 2012

You and I, we were born to die

I actually love how this happens, I'll just be oblivious to all the hype about a particular artist and then I'll decide to give it a listen before deciding HEEY This is reaally good!

Today or rather a few days ago I experienced that with Lana Del Ray and her "debut" album Born To Die. I say debut but really there was an album before apparently and was pulled or something like that.

Anyway for me music isn't about being the perfect singer or anything as for me the delivery and how you come across on the microphone and the lyrics will mean more to me than singing in perfect tune and melody ever could. I think that's why I'm hooked on artists such as The-Dream, The Weeknd and their kind of music as opposed to people like Usher because of the picture they can paint with their delivery and words.

Anyway with Lana Del Ray, I came into the album without any expectations and was...pleasantly surprised. Her breathless delivery, haunting melody and times of ecstasy just sends me into another world and has me hypnotised from the first verse of 'Born To Die' all the way to the last note on 'This Is What Makes Us Girls' (and even through the bonus songs as well) and I really enjoyed it.

I'm still not feeling Video Games but maybe sooner or later it will grow on me as it was the only single that I knew from her, in fact it was the only song that I knew from her and I hadn't even heard the song, simply saw it in the Top 40 one week and that was it, I didn't think I'd actually listen to the song but yeah it hasn't grown on me but there is still time.

She reminds me of Ellie Goulding and Marina and The Diamonds in that I'm eagerly awaiting their next album and that I want more of them but knowing that it will not be anytime soon if ever...and now I wish I hadn't reminded myself about Marina and The Diamonds as I reeeeeally enjoyed The Family Jewels...I think I need to give that another listen now.

So Born To Die is definitely is going to be my contender for album of the year and several songs will make my shortlist of top songs but hey, there's still the rest of the year to go

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Yes you totally are a bi- I mean witch

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, choo. Freezing cold weather isn't cool whatsoever.

The weather has gotten colder than usual as of late which quite frankly makes mornings a bit of a pain seeing as the heating in my room doesn't actually work or anything so yeah.

I really ought to go to sleep earlier and thus wake up earlier because there is always so much to do in the day and waking up earlier would solve a lot of these...timing problems but the problem is not much really happens until night so up I stay.

So what else has been happening? Not much just the same routine really. Found out Phoenix Wright 5 has been confirmed so I look forward to that but it's probably going to be a continuation of the Apollo Justice story which I'm not too pleased about seeing as I found his story to not really be all that interesting but I guess we'll wait and see.

Finished the story of Bayonetta so that's another to my list but now it's all about getting the achievements if I can before locking the game up away forever like Dante's Inferno, Final Fantasy XIII, Sonic Generations and other 100% completed games.

I had heard about Bayonetta and it had received critical acclaim so I decided to try it (plus the fact that I purchased it nearly a year ago and just hadn't gotten round to playing it) and I wouldn't say I was surprised but it really was enjoyable fun.

The controls were easy and simple to get used to and could lead to many combinations while fighting and thus getting into it was incredibly easy. Torture sequences and Wicked weave attacks were glorious to watch and fun to execute and the dialogue and cut scenes were another thing of beauty with all their references to other games and that.

If there was a downside to it from my experience was that the story wasn't exactly easy to follow when starting and a lot of the times I was thinking "what on earth is going on? Wait, what's my journey about anyway" and the questions aren't really answered until the final chapter and by then it was a bit too late to really care and simply just wanted to complete the game especially when I was sooo close to it (incidentally, why is it I only ever seem to finish games late at night, why can't I finish a game at a nice time like in the middle of day or something).

So yeah asides from that it was really fun to play though some of the Alfheim chapters were frustrating as hell and I haven't even finished them all yet. I look forward to trying to complete the game on the hardest of hard mode (Climax mode) and no doubt that will be my last achievement on the game so then I can put the game down.

I just hope that on the final boss it isn't too frustrating and I end up physically not being able to complete it a la I Want To Be The Guy. I'm still annoyed about that to this day.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Guilty before proven innocent

So John Terry isn't going to resign his captaincy during the Euros because he feels he is innocent? Good for him I guess, in a society where people are guilty until proven innocent (and even then still guilty in some people's eyes) I actually feel sorry for him as he receives so much abuse from all sorts of people when the possibility remains that he might actually have been innocent but either way the media and society have already decided that he is guilty

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Case for the defence

So basically you want to know why I deserve to play for Charlton? I will tell you exactly why I should play for Charlton.

Where to begin...well okay that last match I feel was terrible, no doubt about it but everyone has bad games sometimes.

Anyway for starters I should be playing because I can make things happen. I have the potential to win games. Case in point but when we played I believe it was Mottingham and the game was one all for the whole match and even with 2 minutes left as both teams were settling for a point each I snatched the ball and dribbled past two players and was calm enough to find a teammate who was in a better position than me to score the winning goal and I unselfishly squared him up.

You see, goals and assists means very little to me as it doesn't mean you had a good performance nor does it mean you had a bad one. So while I may not be leading the goals or assist charts, I feel the contribution I bring to the team is irreplaceable. The team we have now are unsure, rash and cannot use their heads more often than not so I feel what I bring is calmness and assurance to the team. I will seldom panic when on or off the ball and always use whatever I can to make the most of a bad situation.

My passing and especially my link up play is a whole lot better than the majority of players in the team. I can dribble comfortably and while I may be criticized for holding onto the ball for too long, there are mainly two reasons for this. The first being that no-one else makes the right movements meaning I have to hold onto the ball a bit longer as I cannot pass it to them because they are in a terrible position that passing it to them is pointless (case in point, last game in the second half I had the ball and yet two people were making exactly the same run directly into the penalty box with no attempt at a diagonal run to draw defenders away if not for me but for themselves thus I had to hold onto the ball a while longer and eventually resulted in a weak strike at the goal but the only shot in the second half).

The second reason why I may hold onto the ball slightly longer is because I don't trust certain people to not lose the ball or waste it even under absolutely no pressure. Yes this sounds arrogant but I don't believe I am because the facts speak for themselves.

What else? Oh yes finishing, it may not be evident due to not scoring many goals but if given the chance I have the calmness and can finish off chances that I get. Case in point, when we won 7-0 or something like that recently before the new year and I had a hamstring injury in the match and yet I still managed to control a cross, dribble pass 2 players and have the composure to slot the ball in the back of the net for my first goal and control another cross and rifle the ball in the back of the net. It also speaks volumes that even with an injury restricting me heavily I was still able to put in a better performance than many others.

I could go on and on really especially as I haven't even begun to mention my intelligence, vision, my wiliness to pass it backwards or sideways which some people just cannot do, my ability to create space for myself.

Sure you can mention the weak parts of my game but they are only weak because I do not have the proper support or anything like that. The common one I hear is getting back to defend and I grow tired of hearing that. I will work on that no doubt but two things to remember about that and the first is that, if we knew how to hold on the ball a lot better I and whoever else is playing in the middle or on the wing wouldn't be caught out of position so often because someone cannot play a simple pass or hold onto the ball better. The other thing is, I try and drop back if someone else is pushing up forward but undoubtedly I believe that most of the times because of my traits and skills the person who should be attacking most of the times should be me anyway especially as I'm an attacking midfielder and not a box to box one. My style of play is like a number ten and while I don't wish to seem arrogant again but asking me to drop back and play like a defensive midfielder is like asking someone like Jack Wilshere, Andreas Iniesta, Steven Gerrard and Wayne Rooney to a lesser extent to play defensive midfielder. They can do that and they can do a decent job of it as well but it's a waste of their skills when they could be contributing so much more to the team.

Yes this was long but you asked me to justify why I should be playing for the team. You don't have to agree with it or not but everything I've said is the truth. I have no purpose to lie and deceive about this matter. If we were professionals and if we were on Match of the Day, I've no doubt the exact same things would be said.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

It’s almost as if this is being read…

Well what was the purpose of that? It...I don't know...it hardly seemed worth the effort. I mean what was the plan? Just to say hi and that's it? Did you want me to put in all the effort in keeping the conversation going? You really did not give me much to work with when saying anything. I really don't mind talking but to expect me to do everything yet again is tiresome.

How's life? How's your work? What exactly so you do? How's the weather? How was my Christmas? Did Santa get you that unicycle you've always wanted for Christmas? How's Lee doing? All would have been viable questions to keep the conversation going and yet...nothing. For shame really, for shame.

Still, there's always next time and I do hope a better effort is made next time as I can be very nice and that when I've more to work with otherwise it just looks like I don’t care. But we'll see won't we.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Here we are

How do I feel right now? I’m not even sure but I know I’m in a reflective mood about life. Now lets see, I am…22 and hmm how do I feel about life? Weary and tired but that’s when I then think “Okay, what can be done about it?” “What am I going to do to change that?”

The truth is that I just don’t know anymore. I had so many plans and dreams but I guess I was stopped along the way by myself.

But what of your life now? Well for starters I think the question is do I feel appreciated?

I…don’t think I do feel it, I don’t feel like I’m appreciated enough. I don’t feel that the things I do are really recognised and that certain people only want to look at the bad side of me.

Nah don’t worry I’m not really annoyed with it, just observing and understanding that people will always be people. People will always want to put emphasis on my flaws…in fact not just me but everybody else’s too.

I’m not going to lie I have a million “flaws” and all but I’m content in that because of three things and that is that nobody is perfect, everybody has a different idea of flaws and that I’m happy with the way I am really, content even.

What brought all this on? Well pretty much, people have been getting on my nerves and like I mentioned earlier, I don’t really feel appreciated.

It’s also annoying when a simple “hello” would be nice or even a reply or anything but nothing…I guess you still have a certain idea of me which is a shame really but this is just another reason why I dislike humans.

Monday, 9 January 2012

2011 awards

2011 in music was quite a good year, as well as discovering newer artists there were quite a few old artists coming out with new amazing songs.

Anyway this is my top 40 favourite songs of 2011. This was quite hard to do as you have to remember favourite doesn’t necessarily mean best and that to be honest some of the positions are interchangeable.

I also had to exclude songs that I may have first for the first time this year but they were release ages ago otherwise I would have to put songs from Lykke Li in this list but ah well.