Protect me from the cold

The weather is ridiculously cold and which makes mornings such a chore...okay, even more of a chore then. I'll be glad when this season is over because then I can warm up and look forward to not worrying about whether if I step out of the house wondering if I'm going to get frostbite or hypothermia.

I suppose I don't make things easier for myself what with the choice of jackets and coats I wear because mentally I'm insistent that it's not cold enough to justify wearing it and that I'll warm up on the tubes and buses and that I'll spend more of my time indoors and just being hot in the winter jacket I have but I suppose sooner or later I'm going to have to just put it on and I may as well start that now.

Distance

It's difficult really, I really have no clue anymore about certain stuff. It's annoying because I miss you and miss chatting to you and can't help the feeling that you resent me or something even though I know it isn't true (hopefully).

I don't know what it is you think of me but I just feel really bad how I've been with you and stuff and what makes me feel even worse is that I'm bad with things like that. Without prodding from the other person I will neglect them, not because I don't care or anything like that but because I'm too in love with myself. I'm too into myself and not just that I keep myself to myself a lot.

I have plenty of friends that I haven't spoke to in a long time but it's really because I haven't seen them in a while. I could text or email them or whatever but that doesn't have the same feel as actually being there in person and I think that's what's happened here, that I'm...I dunno incapable of really making that effort of really keeping up but just know it's not intentional or anything like that and that I'm really just, I don't know...sorry I guess.

A slippery slope

Get me down, it's like things are conspiring to do just that or is just my imagination? Who knows, but anyway...must remain positive and all that.

So I was thinking at work at how did I end up here doing this...in a job where I deal with people when lets face it, humans aren't very high up on my "things I like" list but alas here I am dealing with them.

I guess when you deal with customers or about nearly anything in life the negative experiences tend to stick out more than the positive ones but there's something that bugs me right now and that is that in relation to what I mentioned earlier and that is that I can feel myself slipping...

I tell you what though, I reeeeeeally am not looking forward to life when I get older...assuming I live that long.

My book of rhymes

Okay here we go. So I'm listening to some Blueprint 3 outtakes and then I thought about the time I was just writing songs and then I went over to check some of them and then I was reminded of why I never really finish it, simply because I will look at a line or something while I'm in a different mindset that I originally thought was pretty good and then I think "What. The. Fuck. Was. That". I never know how to feel about some lines, whether to think "ohh that was pretty good to me" or "hmm, I don't like that line now". I can't completely reject them as that was my mindset at the time but ahh well. Maybe I should get back into it and actually really put thought into it but I know that's never really going to happen heh.

Oh really?

Memo to self: Must keep updating this

Lurking…

First off, let me just say that I think you may overthink things just a little too much, however do not take it as a bad thing as being paranoid and fearful keeps you on your toes and stops you from getting too comfortable. However...there really is no room for error, you know what must be done, you really do have to give it your all.
But...what can I do? What exactly is my perspective and what do I bring? What makes me unique? You know how it is...But I think the rewards and benefits blinded me too much and temporarily prevented me from seeing...well...IT.

Yeah, you can be a force even as a background player you can be a force, all that is needed is for you to make the right moves, is to think, think and think. Take your time, do not rush or force it, it will happen and to a level that you are comfortable with too.
Just keep doing what you do and go above and beyond.

The Rivalry

I've been playing Pro Clubs with Kalid recently and as fun as it is I can't help feel the need to be better than him (nothing personal) at everything football related because I love football that much that anyone slightly or who believes themselves to be equal in level to me I have to go out of my way to prove them wrong and that no, I am and always will be better than you.

So anyway even on Fifa on Head to Head Seasons I made sure that I was in a higher division and that my Virtual Pro was better because that's just me, competitive when I want to be. Hahaha oh boy...I suppose some might see that as being pathetic but you know what, I don't care at all hahahaha.

Okay so onto actual football...Eamon...urgh fuck that, I'm not going to let him be better at me at that. It's not even that I'm worried about competition or whatnot or that I'm worried that my throne would be usurped because let's face it, a presidential run would be boring without a couple of assassination attempts to go with it.

In fact that's the only reason I'm at this point, because when you're the best without any challenge...you start to become a little lax, there's no excitement in being undisputed number one, sure the praise is nice and all but personally I need that challenge and it's all about the journey for me.

So yeah I guess at the moment Eamon is better than me but he has the advantage of being fitter and that's is all. I feel...no, I KNOW for a fact that if objectively we were both playing at our peak with nothing holding us back then I would be the victor and he would know it.

So what's the plan now Jason?

To become the best player if only amongst the people I know and oh ho ho believe me, it's going to happen. I really do have to thank Nike for that, ever since playing that 5 a side tournament I realise how good I used to be and how far I've fallen...or at least how far I allowed myself to do so...hahaha...oh my gosh, I am so so pumped up for this, two months, nothing but solid workout and practise for two months and I'll gauge my level then but believe me if I get to optimum strength, weight and shape then I will in fact be the greatest.

What's funny is I don't even need to be the fastest or strongest or any of that business because that is not my game at all.

My game involves trickery, lies and deceit...huh...in other situations maybe I shouldn't be so proud to say that but in this case I actually am proud to say that...my game doesn't revolve around me being faster than the defender or being stronger than the defender or any of that business because most of the times that means nothing if they have the drop on you and they have the better position.

I liken it to attacking a fortress on a mountain. It doesn't matter how well trained or how much fitter or stronger your army is, you will always be at a disadvantage. It's the same with football, you may have the ball but it is so much easier (still hard, not trying to put down defending) to dispossess someone than it is for them to get past you in a favourable position.

Anyway like I said, my game involves trickery via use of my skills and bag of tricks like the elastico, stepovers, fake rabonas and my personal favourite, the scoop turn all of which I rarely use these days.

The lies involved in my game basically involves convincing the defender that they are better than me, that they are faster or stronger or whatnot simply so that they let their guard down and that's it when I kick them in the metaphorical crotch and gut punch them in the metaphorical kidney and then proceed to laugh while I do it...gah I love being a jerk.

And finally the deceit which involves me selling them a whole bunch of goodies which are in fact totally bogus...haha oh my goodness, the thrill of selling a defender a dummy and then just saying bye when you blitz past them while they are wrong-footed, that just sends chills down my spine and gives me goosebumps.

There is nothing quite honestly like dropping your shoulder one way and convincing them that the ball is within their reach (though that's more of a lie) and that they can just stick a leg out to nip that ball away from me but you know something? You just got nutmegged, thank you and goodnight.