The Immortals

Immortality, take it or leave it? The obvious answer is no, who wants to live forever? Not being able to die isn't a good thing and I somewhat agree. I mean I'm not even afraid of death but at the same time that's not to say I welcome it at all but the only time I would take an immortality deal is if I had the option of dying whenever I wanted because living forever even past the demise of the earth be it by humans or from the sun and then what? You wander around doing what exactly? Progress comes to a stand still so there's nothing new to do and that would mean no excitement or anything like that.

Anyway I often wonder about death and I suppose what frightens me the most is the thought of not being able to do everything I wanted to do before I die and the fact that there is so much to do and see but inevitably there is so little time to do it in.

But alas, I shouldn't be thinking of things like that now as it makes me depressed and I've had enough depression during the winter to last me a lifetime so I try not to think about it.

Illusions

Now work has been very interesting, it...seems to just get better and better, I'm starting to understand more and more about it and the people I work with are seriously an amazing group of people.

Especially the people I work with on the first floor, I've never seen such a good bunch of people to work with and to be honest I feel I need to step my game up, not because I feel left behind or that I'm behind but because I'm actually inspired to achieve more.

I don't know whether that's a sad thing that so far I've not really felt that way in any other group I've been with...although...thinking about it...yeah that's another post. Anyway...

So yeah, amazing bunch of people and it worries me especially people say I'm "nice", "helpful" and "generous"...hmm maybe worry is the wrong word here, least of all it amuses me as I know people that know me to be the complete opposite but ah well what can I do except be myself and if people take it one way and others take it another then ah well...

WHAT THE FUCK!?

THAT’S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED AT ALL!

My goals were a lot better than described…ehh fuck it. I don’t care…it’s to be expected.

The return of the soundproof rooms

Well then, it's been a while for a lot of things and another time of serious reflection, firstly about this time of the year and how this is usually the point of the year where something bad happens and it pretty much sums up the whole year and it makes the winter months very very unpleasant but so far I've avoided anything major like that but alas I suppose I should count the fact that my right hearing aid is now gone...and it worries me, the silence doesn't bother me at all, now that I think about it, if I wanted to live the rest of my life in total silence I'd be okay with that but the thing is with this mishap is that it's always been a choice for me. To have sound or not, it's always been a choice for me.

I guess that's the good thing about having hearing like mine is that I can choose whether to hear what the world has to say or not.

But anyway, that was the first issue, the second issue is work which I'll put it up for tomorrow or something.

Credit where it’s due

I feel.....that I'm never going to get the props I deserve...I could play out of my skin and yet someone else will get more credit.

Ha...I never thought I'd get annoyed with being Mr Reliable but there you have it, anything my teammates can do, I can do just as good if not better when it comes to technical things and eurgh...I dunno, maybe, maybe I am getting the praise now I think about it but I come across as someone who if you tell me I will not be fussed or something I don't know...

Anyway I guess I don't really respond the way people expect me to but you know what? I don't care, I'm not going to bend over backwards to please you...if I'm happy with myself then I'm happy, I feel I have come a long way from a year ago but still not where I would like to be just yet.

James did bring up a good point about me not doing as many tricks as I used to do in Mary Hare and I thought "fuck, he's right" but I know exactly why that is...I had to cut them out of my game when THAT injury happened as it affected my knee if I moved it in a certain way. So then I changed my play and became about passing and playmaking as opposed to taking my man on.

Anyway, now that my knee is better I can actually go back to that way but first it requires me to shed a bit of weight simply to make me a lot more agile and to make it easier for sudden changes of direction which a lot of my tricks utilise. I've been working on that and I'm happy with how it's gone so far however there's still work to be done and I can't help but grin at how excited I am at this...it's almost been a year since that operation and look at where I'm at and where I'm going.

Also just as a side note and a reminder...I have an addictive personality so don't even think about trying certain stuff. The things you're addicted to now is bad enough...(though I could argue that I'm not actually dependant on it but whatever)

The Samba Magician journey

I had a dream last night…although technically it should be referred to as this morning but whatever. Anyway, I was coming back from a knee injury I had and was a substitute for a football game for my school team and when I did get on the pitch, me a Philip proceed to play dazzling one touch football and quite simply destroyed the other team even though I only came on for 5 minutes but yeah…

So yeah, I got to thinking about my current situation and how I can get back to the Jason that I used to be, with terror and frightening the other team. I mean, I still do now but I just don’t feel right, like I’m not at the best of my ability.

Maybe it’s just I don’t feel fit enough or that I feel bogged down by something but I just really need to sort that out and get back to it. Maybe a schedule and routine which lets me get back into it all would help? Though it’s a bit hard when you have to work on the only days you get to play football. Ahh well, given the choice between the work I do and football, money wins out every time and hey I love the job anyway so it’s not as it’s bad or anything. The only way it’d get better is if they actually paid me to play football hahah.

At least I haven’t forgotten

Hmm, should get back to updating this thing soonish, plenty to say really…