Oh really?

Memo to self: Must keep updating this

Lurking…

First off, let me just say that I think you may overthink things just a little too much, however do not take it as a bad thing as being paranoid and fearful keeps you on your toes and stops you from getting too comfortable. However...there really is no room for error, you know what must be done, you really do have to give it your all.
But...what can I do? What exactly is my perspective and what do I bring? What makes me unique? You know how it is...But I think the rewards and benefits blinded me too much and temporarily prevented me from seeing...well...IT.

Yeah, you can be a force even as a background player you can be a force, all that is needed is for you to make the right moves, is to think, think and think. Take your time, do not rush or force it, it will happen and to a level that you are comfortable with too.
Just keep doing what you do and go above and beyond.

The Rivalry

I've been playing Pro Clubs with Kalid recently and as fun as it is I can't help feel the need to be better than him (nothing personal) at everything football related because I love football that much that anyone slightly or who believes themselves to be equal in level to me I have to go out of my way to prove them wrong and that no, I am and always will be better than you.

So anyway even on Fifa on Head to Head Seasons I made sure that I was in a higher division and that my Virtual Pro was better because that's just me, competitive when I want to be. Hahaha oh boy...I suppose some might see that as being pathetic but you know what, I don't care at all hahahaha.

Okay so onto actual football...Eamon...urgh fuck that, I'm not going to let him be better at me at that. It's not even that I'm worried about competition or whatnot or that I'm worried that my throne would be usurped because let's face it, a presidential run would be boring without a couple of assassination attempts to go with it.

In fact that's the only reason I'm at this point, because when you're the best without any challenge...you start to become a little lax, there's no excitement in being undisputed number one, sure the praise is nice and all but personally I need that challenge and it's all about the journey for me.

So yeah I guess at the moment Eamon is better than me but he has the advantage of being fitter and that's is all. I feel...no, I KNOW for a fact that if objectively we were both playing at our peak with nothing holding us back then I would be the victor and he would know it.

So what's the plan now Jason?

To become the best player if only amongst the people I know and oh ho ho believe me, it's going to happen. I really do have to thank Nike for that, ever since playing that 5 a side tournament I realise how good I used to be and how far I've fallen...or at least how far I allowed myself to do so...hahaha...oh my gosh, I am so so pumped up for this, two months, nothing but solid workout and practise for two months and I'll gauge my level then but believe me if I get to optimum strength, weight and shape then I will in fact be the greatest.

What's funny is I don't even need to be the fastest or strongest or any of that business because that is not my game at all.

My game involves trickery, lies and deceit...huh...in other situations maybe I shouldn't be so proud to say that but in this case I actually am proud to say that...my game doesn't revolve around me being faster than the defender or being stronger than the defender or any of that business because most of the times that means nothing if they have the drop on you and they have the better position.

I liken it to attacking a fortress on a mountain. It doesn't matter how well trained or how much fitter or stronger your army is, you will always be at a disadvantage. It's the same with football, you may have the ball but it is so much easier (still hard, not trying to put down defending) to dispossess someone than it is for them to get past you in a favourable position.

Anyway like I said, my game involves trickery via use of my skills and bag of tricks like the elastico, stepovers, fake rabonas and my personal favourite, the scoop turn all of which I rarely use these days.

The lies involved in my game basically involves convincing the defender that they are better than me, that they are faster or stronger or whatnot simply so that they let their guard down and that's it when I kick them in the metaphorical crotch and gut punch them in the metaphorical kidney and then proceed to laugh while I do it...gah I love being a jerk.

And finally the deceit which involves me selling them a whole bunch of goodies which are in fact totally bogus...haha oh my goodness, the thrill of selling a defender a dummy and then just saying bye when you blitz past them while they are wrong-footed, that just sends chills down my spine and gives me goosebumps.

There is nothing quite honestly like dropping your shoulder one way and convincing them that the ball is within their reach (though that's more of a lie) and that they can just stick a leg out to nip that ball away from me but you know something? You just got nutmegged, thank you and goodnight.

The Immortals

Immortality, take it or leave it? The obvious answer is no, who wants to live forever? Not being able to die isn't a good thing and I somewhat agree. I mean I'm not even afraid of death but at the same time that's not to say I welcome it at all but the only time I would take an immortality deal is if I had the option of dying whenever I wanted because living forever even past the demise of the earth be it by humans or from the sun and then what? You wander around doing what exactly? Progress comes to a stand still so there's nothing new to do and that would mean no excitement or anything like that.

Anyway I often wonder about death and I suppose what frightens me the most is the thought of not being able to do everything I wanted to do before I die and the fact that there is so much to do and see but inevitably there is so little time to do it in.

But alas, I shouldn't be thinking of things like that now as it makes me depressed and I've had enough depression during the winter to last me a lifetime so I try not to think about it.

Illusions

Now work has been very interesting, it...seems to just get better and better, I'm starting to understand more and more about it and the people I work with are seriously an amazing group of people.

Especially the people I work with on the first floor, I've never seen such a good bunch of people to work with and to be honest I feel I need to step my game up, not because I feel left behind or that I'm behind but because I'm actually inspired to achieve more.

I don't know whether that's a sad thing that so far I've not really felt that way in any other group I've been with...although...thinking about it...yeah that's another post. Anyway...

So yeah, amazing bunch of people and it worries me especially people say I'm "nice", "helpful" and "generous"...hmm maybe worry is the wrong word here, least of all it amuses me as I know people that know me to be the complete opposite but ah well what can I do except be myself and if people take it one way and others take it another then ah well...

WHAT THE FUCK!?

THAT’S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED AT ALL!

My goals were a lot better than described…ehh fuck it. I don’t care…it’s to be expected.

The return of the soundproof rooms

Well then, it's been a while for a lot of things and another time of serious reflection, firstly about this time of the year and how this is usually the point of the year where something bad happens and it pretty much sums up the whole year and it makes the winter months very very unpleasant but so far I've avoided anything major like that but alas I suppose I should count the fact that my right hearing aid is now gone...and it worries me, the silence doesn't bother me at all, now that I think about it, if I wanted to live the rest of my life in total silence I'd be okay with that but the thing is with this mishap is that it's always been a choice for me. To have sound or not, it's always been a choice for me.

I guess that's the good thing about having hearing like mine is that I can choose whether to hear what the world has to say or not.

But anyway, that was the first issue, the second issue is work which I'll put it up for tomorrow or something.